How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pappa wants mamma naked
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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