I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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