Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
