Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
