All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
