I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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