Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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