Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
