i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
