True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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