you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
