i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
