I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize