so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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