omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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