I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
