I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
