so explain again why im purple
no
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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