this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
