May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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