The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
