you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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