Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
