Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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