I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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