I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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