I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
