You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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