I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
