Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
