And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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