It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
