marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
