Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
