it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
