he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
