Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize