So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I party with great urgency now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
