You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
