I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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