Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
