a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
