Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
