My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
