AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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