it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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