We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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