oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
