So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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