I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
