Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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