I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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