Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
