So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
